My Last Breath
by CaptainRikku
Summary: Cloud… There was something I always wanted to tell you. Cloud/Jessie, one shot.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Final Fantasy VII…only a copy of it.

**A/N:** Yay, rewrite done. This is my favourite and I hope you enjoy it too. It isn't the most uplifting story, but I felt that Jessie's feelings needed to be explored. I hope I did her justice…

* * *

**My Last Breath**

Cloud…

There was something I always wanted to tell you. Something I could never bring myself to say in front of anyone, let alone say to you. I wanted to say it from the first time I set eyes on you but there was something holding me back…myself. I was afraid.

What if you didn't feel the same?

I remember when Tifa came rushing in that night, her hair wild and matted from the rain and her eyes wide in amazement. She ran straight past me and pulled Barret from his usual position at the bar. Without a word, she dragged him into the storm-ravaged night. It was strange to see her in such a state. I mean, she was barely younger than me but had maturity beyond her years. So to see her so flustered was a peculiar sight.

It was your eyes that got me. Those gorgeous blue eyes, tinted with the vivid green that Mako often brings. You looked at me as you passed through the door, supported by Tifa and Barret's shoulders. I wanted you to look at me like that forever. I could've lost myself in your eyes, had you not looked away. From then, you barely spared me a glance unless you really had to. I convinced myself that you were just shy.

I watched from across the room as she obsessed over you. Tifa had a heart of gold but she would sometimes worry herself too much. When she left your side to find the first aid kit, I finally had a clear view of you. The unruly, dirty blonde hair that graced your head glittered, droplets of rain reflecting the harsh bar lights. The same light highlighted your sharp, angular cheekbones and cast shadows on the hollows of your cheeks. You looked so tired, fatigue etched into your every feature.

Tifa returned, brandishing a handful of bandages and medicinal herbs. She lifted your slender, but impressively muscular arm and began to tend to a gash above your elbow. It seemed near impossible that you were capable of wielding the menacing broadsword that lay at your feet, what with your slender frame, but as I continued to study you I could see near perfect muscle tone.

Who were you?

The more I asked myself that question, the more curious I got about you, and it wasn't until the night before our mission that Tifa explained.

" Cloud is an old friend of mine. We grew up together in Nibelheim, to the west, before he travelled to Midgar and joined SOLDIER. He left town and…well, I never saw him again…until now."

"SOLDIER?"

Barret had risen to his feet, abandoning the beer he had been nursing. I stole a sideways glance at you in the corner, and noticed your knuckles had turned white; you were grasping the arms of the chair so hard. It seemed to me like you were preparing for a confrontation.

"What the hell d'you think you're doin' Tifa!? Bringin' one of them in here! Our headquarters!"

"I don't work for Shin-Ra anymore. I'm a mercenary now."

In one, swift movement, you were on your feet and had moved towards Barret so that you were barely inches away. Whilst Barret's towering presence would have intimidated anybody, you showed no signs of fear.

"Oh yeah? Why should I believe you?"

Tifa quickly stepped between you both, hands outstretched to separate you.

"It's true Barret," she cried, "I know Cloud and he wouldn't lie about this."

"I still don't like him bein' here", he said, stepping back slightly but not drawing his gaze from you.

"Well, how about he makes himself useful?"

She quickly explained her idea to Barret, who seemed sceptical at the very thought of taking a former SOLDIER with us. Who could blame him? They were our enemies for Christ's sake. It took a lot of convincing on her part but Tifa succeeded in the end.

"Awright, he can come," Barret said, glaring at you before turning his back on the room, "but if you decide you wanna be one of them again, I'll kick the crap outta your spikey-headed ass!"

With that, he stormed out of the room, cursing under his breath as Tifa followed. This left us alone together. I hadn't said a word throughout the exchange, silently observing. I suddenly became aware of how quiet it had become and shifted uncomfortably in my seat. The movement seemed to catch your eye and you moved your gaze from the door the others had left through, onto me. I struggled to read the curious look on your face.

"Tell Barret that I expect to be paid for this."

Then you just left the room. And I just watched.

When we made it into the reactor, you didn't let your cool façade slip, not even batting an eyelid as we were ambushed by guards. I guess that's what comes with having been a SOLDIER. You were the elite; the best of the best. Yet the things Shin-Ra and its army had done were unforgivable. I was just four years old when my parents were struck down by Shin-Ra troops, accused of working against them as part of the resistance. I was left with nothing and grew up in the slums of Midgar. With every breath I took, my hatred for the Shin-Ra grew and I swore to get revenge, no matter what.

But when faced with you, something so amazing from something so utterly terrible, I couldn't think straight. My prejudices melted away as I lingered in your presence. Just being close to you blurred the lines that I'd lived my life by.

I felt suffocated by you as we rode in the elevator, descending into the depths of the reactor. As soon as it shuddered to a halt, I had to get out of there and ran away from you, so I could sort myself out. The mission was important and I needed all my wits about me.

I chose to stay behind as you and Barret climbed down the ladder to the heart of the reactor, and the final stage of the mission. I needed the time alone. It had been a long time since I'd felt like this. A long time since a guy made my heart beat so fast. Not since Biggs and I would secretly meet at the train station. We were young then, but almost in love. I say almost because there was always a little doubt, a small, niggling sensation, but it was there. And in time, it grew. So much that we drifted apart. The excitement that sparked our 'romance' left and boredom slipped in. We chose to end it, but stayed close, united in our eagerness to save the planet.

I couldn't help but stare into the misty depths, hoping that you would return. I was so confused. I wanted you to go, but I also wanted you to stay, to help me work this out. If I could just go, get some fresh air. But I was needed to provide support for the group.

A few silent minutes passed, save for the routine clangs of the machinery. You'd been down there a long time. Perhaps too long.

Then, from nowhere, an alarm rose, wailing throughout the metallic chamber, echoing.

Time to leave.

I tried to rise from my crouched position but couldn't move. My foot was caught in the grate and it wouldn't budge. I struggled, desperate to release myself from the reactor's steely grasp.

And then you came.

"You all right?" you asked, a genuine look of concern on your face.

"My foot's stuck!"

You knelt next to me and got to work on releasing my foot. Your face was so close and I noticed a cut just above your eye. I watched as the sweat from your furrowed brow mingled with the blood that trickled down your face. I barely noticed you'd succeeded in freeing my foot; I was so entranced, but hastily rose once I'd realised.

We ran as fast as we could, taking down any guards that stood in our way. You ran to the forefront, cutting a swathe through the enemy, whilst I hung back, taking down any stragglers with a bullet from my pistol. We made a good team. You were even there for me when I fell at the final bridge, and carried me away from the path of destruction. That was the moment I knew.

Knew that I loved you.

It was ridiculous, I know. Falling in love with someone I'd only just met. But it felt so right. Right in my heart.

It's always said that you shouldn't just listen to your heart, that your head is most reliable. But, for once, I wanted to live dangerously and follow my heart. I remember when you made your grand entrance on the train that night, bursting through the door. I was so relieved to see you again. The others were all speculating that maybe you'd died.

I almost lost it right then, but you proved them wrong when you jumped in like that. I struggled not to laugh at how dirty your face was. I suppose riding _on top _of a train does that to you. When I was wiping it away, I felt like I was so close, yet so far. I was almost right against you, but not.

My fingers lingered on the cut above your eye that I'd been so fascinated by earlier. It took all my strength to step away then, to move my hand from the warmth of your skin and look away from those enchanting eyes. There was such sadness behind them. I wanted nothing more than to just wrap my arms around your neck and thrust my lips against yours. Who knows, maybe you'd respond? But I never found out, because it was doubt that gripped me again, preventing me from trying. But what if I had… I wonder what would've happened then?

I was getting better at being close to you. I could keep my emotions in check and manage to actually have a conversation with you. Those precious minutes we spent looking at the train schematics, I could feel your warm breath against my neck as you leant over me to see the screen. I barely focused on what I was telling you, my mind was racing. You had such a hold over me, and you had no idea.

Later that night, Barret asked me to make everyone fake I.D's, ones that would go unnoticed when passing through the checking system to Sector Five. I should have focused on the job at hand, but you were sleeping in the corner of the workroom. You looked so peaceful, your chest gently rising and falling.

"Be careful Jess…"

I turned to see Biggs leaning against my desk. I chose to pretend that I had no clue what he was talking about.

"What do you mean?" I asked, widening my eyes in what I hoped was confusion.

"Just…be careful with that one." He gave me one last pointed look before heading up to the bar. I returned to my work and silently cursed him. What right did he have to tell me what to do? I went about creating your I.D, determined to make it as brilliant as possible. I worked through the night.

But it all went to pot. We were discovered and forced to make an early exit from the train. Once again, you seemed as cool as ever, not fazed by the extremity of our situation.

It was my fault. I'd tripped up somewhere, put a fault in the identification system. When the alarm went off, I couldn't believe it. I thought you'd be so angry with me.

But you weren't. You just acted like you didn't know and I was so grateful for that. You didn't hate me for blowing the operation. I was overcome with emotion and just ran away. It may have seemed sudden, but I couldn't let you see me upset. You may have thought I was weak and I couldn't bear that. Stupid, I know, but it was what kept me going. To show people I could handle the pain, all the upset. That I could be strong and make it through the darkness.

You didn't return after the mission. Barret was first through the door, a sombre look etched into his rough features, whilst Tifa entered behind, tears streaming down her face. I waited to see you stride through after them, but you weren't there. Why weren't you there? I ran to Tifa and grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her with a ferocity I didn't know I possessed.

"Where's Cloud? What's happened to Cloud?" I cried, demanding an answer, but all she did was sob uncontrollably. I turned to Barret and he just looked at me with pity. I struggled not to hit him, the look on his face making me sick to the stomach. He told me you'd fallen. Fallen from a high ledge and into the slums below. I was frantic. Were you…were you dead? I wouldn't allow myself to accept it. You couldn't be dead. You couldn't possibly die!

I ran to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. With my back to it, I leant against the door and slid to the floor, bitter tears stinging my eyes. I began to cry. For the first time in years, I actually cried. And once I 'd started, I couldn't stop. You'd left me so soon. We'd barely had a chance to sit and talk. You didn't give me a chance to explain my feelings.

I spent the next few days merely haunting the hideout. I didn't speak. I barely moved. I only ate when I really needed to. Everyone tried to help but I was inconsolable. If they even touched me, I'd be on the verge of tears. For a while, Tifa was the same, but one day she announced that she was going to Wallmarket to gain information. She had managed to pull herself together for the good of AVALANCHE. I admired her in that respect and tried to sort myself out too. I recovered slowly.

Then Shin-Ra came. The Turks stormed the sector, heading up the support pillar for the plate above, with guards in tow. AVALANCHE sprung into action, chasing the bastards who threatened those we strived to protect. They'd taken you away from me. I wasn't going to let them take my home too. So we climbed. Hundreds of minions swarmed over the structure, attacking those who attempted to retaliate.

I was on top form, shooting down as many of the Shin-Ra troops as possible. As Barret headed for the very top, Biggs, Wedge and I hung back, preventing guards from following. I was so involved from the battle that I was too late to save Wedge. I reached the railing in tome, only to see him fall. It was so far, and the look of fear in his eyes burned me. I didn't want to watch, but I couldn't look away as he continued to fall.

I was so absorbed; I didn't notice the guard sneak up behind me until I felt the sharp edge of his blade on the back of my knees. With one swift cut, I felt my legs buckle from underneath me and was winded as my abdomen connected with the steel bar of the railing. I could hear Biggs shout from below as he suffered a fate similar to mine. As I felt my blood trickle down my legs, I grew more faint. I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs and prepared myself for the final blow. But it never came.

I was so close to dying. I could feel it coming as I gasped from the pain, when you came. There you were before me, pulling me into your arms. It may not have looked it, but I was so happy to see you. You weren't dead after all. How could I have doubted you? You were so strong…

I could see Tifa behind you, as you brushed a strand of hair from my brow. You were so close, your breath against my skin as it was on the train. You were saying something but I could hardly hear over the strange buzzing in my ears. I closed my eyes and whispered to you.

"Cloud…I'm so glad…I could talk with you…one last time."

"Is that so…?"

Those three words burned me. You didn't feel the same way. You never had. I was dying, but you were acting as though we were in the hideout, having a drink or two. I was stunned. It was all a lie. I had built this whole belief that we were meant to be together and you just tore it down with one sentence. I chuckled, before coughing heavily. Blood spattered across your top as I slowly strung a sentence together.

"…Is…that so…? Ha…cool as usual…ex-SOLDIER…"

I raised my hand and ran my fingers over the scar above your eye. I could barely feel it, my fingertips had gone so numb.

"…Always…I liked that…in you…"

And then you left, racing to the top of the structure…leaving me to die alone. I never wanted to be alone. But you ran away.

"Cloud…"

With my last breath, I whispered your name, before I closed my eyes and was swallowed by darkness.

* * *

** Please Review! Constructive Criticism is appreciated!**


End file.
